Here is a video performance of Jamie Barnes performing his song “Idol of Ohio,” backed by Mike Cosper on the lap steel guitar.
Of course Mike is Sojourn’s worship arts pastor and Jamie is his pastoral assistant. But in the Louisville music scene, Jamie is a singer-songwriter who has received a lot of positive local press, played many of Louisville’s favorite music venues and received significant radio airplay. And Mike is a multi-instrumentalist who has sat in with quite a few artists, from folkies to rock bands, country artists and other music-makers. Together, they’re like … they’re like a singer and a musician. Good ones.
Jamie recorded “Idol of Ohio” for Louisville is for Lovers, Volume 7, part of a local series of records featuring top Louisville recording artists. Jamie is a history buff: the historical basis for this song of loss and love is the assassination of President McKinley. And as luck would have it, I still have the comments I made about this song when Jamie originally shared it in a private blog for Sojourn songwriters:
I love the wealth of internal rhyme as well as end rhyme.
“and how she learns of the black powder burns and the breach into her lover’s chest.”
This is interesting. Just one or two colorful details can take a listener into a scene. You didn’t simply “tell” us what happened; you “showed” us. But you didn’t waste a lot of space showing every little thing. You give us colorful description and let our imagination do the rest.
And I love your use of the word “breach.” The alliteration of all those “B” words is appropriate to the story because the “B” sound is harsh, like an assassination. And the word itself is so, well, presidential: “We have a breach of security here, or the president’s got a hole in his chest. Same thing.”
“I was once young myself with a zeal flamin’ red concealed well beneath my sleeve.
I could walk right up staring clean into the eyes of any man I wanted cut down to his knees.”
What great lines. He is telling us, in a most colorful way, that he wasn’t much different than man who shot him.
“Yes, you could land a plane on the list of names of people that i know i have displeased.”
This might be my favorite line. And of course the chorus tag itself, “and the Idol of Ohio, torn down by the living God.” It’s a full-scale morality play, a cautionary tale. And yet a love song at the same time. We’re touched by the protective affection for his wife — it’s more moving than if you’d spent the entire song having him give us a bunch of static descriptions of his wife’s attributes.
Good job. I think good writing is always beneficial to other writers who are willing to learn and who are attentive. It’s good to look at songs, even those with different aims or intended audiences, with the attitude, “What can I learn from this? What does this text/melody do right that I can incorporate into my own writing?”
Things that all writers could learn from this song would be line economy, forward momentum (even with flashback) good verbs, effective use of rhyme, appealing metaphors, and probably plenty of other things too but now my lunch break is almost over.
